[RaC] The Circle of Life

The Circle of Life

                Ah, Saturday. Arguably the best day that ever existed during the week, and the day that even supervillains planned evil attacks around. The first day of the weekend, and the day where you could push all the important stuff onto Sunday. It was utterly perfect. And there had to be a formal definition for the feeling of waking up late on a Saturday morning. It was like waking up after angels had blessed your soul with eternal peace.

            But this Saturday wasn’t like other Saturdays.

            Ratchet felt the large finger poke his ear for the fifth time in under a minute and tried to control his growing annoyance. “Qwark,” he started slowly, not in the mood to deal with Qwark’s drama this early in the morning, “you do know that it’s really creepy to be poking someone while they try to sleep, right?”

            Ratchet heard a happy gasp on the other side of his bed. “You are awake! For a second there I thought I was going to have to try again tomorrow!”

            Son of a-

            The Lombax heard a thump and turned his head to see Qwark next to his bed, an enormous grin on the green superhero’s face. “So…” Qwark began before pouring on the charm. He fluttered his eyes and rested his chin on his fist. “Ratchet…”

            The Lombax rubbed at his eyes and took a quick glance at his alarm clock. If the time was correct, then the sun wasn’t up yet.

            Ratchet turned back toward Qwark. “Did you have another nightmare again?” he asked, clear exasperation in his voice.

            Qwark chuckled and shook his head. “Nope, I’ve come for a favor and I’ve been up all night waiting for this moment. Now… I need you to agree to do something for me.”

            Ratchet eyed Qwark warily. “How long will it take, is it safe, can I go back to sleep after this, and does Clank know about it?”

            Qwark raised a finger and listed off his answers relative to the order of the questions. “It might take five minutes tops, it’s totally safe, yes, and Clank is outside now getting the camera equipment ready.”

            Ratchet sighed. Five minutes wasn’t so bad. The camera equipment was a little unusual, but Qwark had definitely brought over worse in the past (Ratchet and Clank were still strictly not talking about the “Laundry Incident”). “Fine, but you owe me if it’s too embarrassing or weird.”

            Qwark raised his left hand and held his right hand over his heart. “On my honor. But it really isn’t that embarrassing, I assure you.”

            Ratchet sat up and stretched out his arms. “If your definition of ‘embarrassing’ is anything like your definition of ‘a plan,’ then I have plenty to worry about.”

            Qwark rolled his eyes. “Haha, very funny.” He bolted upright and skipped out of the room. “Okay, wait right here for a moment, and don’t put on anything else!” the superhero called out as he skipped down the hall.

            Ratchet swung his feet over the side of his bed and yawned. He watched the door to his room and tried not to wince at the crashing and banging coming from his living room. Why did Clank give Qwark that key to their house again? In case of emergencies?

            Ratchet looked down at himself. He was only wearing boxers and a light, white T-shirt at the moment (due to the boiling summer nights that Veldin had). Why did Qwark tell him that he wasn’t allowed to put on any other clothes? Sweet Orvus, it wasn’t going to be like that time Qwark took him to that day spa with that whole thing with “friendship bonding” was it?

            Qwark came stumbling back into Ratchet’s room, and Ratchet had to do a double take at what he was looking at.

            The superhero was wearing a dark blue overcoat with a gray chest piece in the front. Qwark waved a stick with two large pieces of red fruit taped onto it, and had a slight hunch to his back. The captain also had what appeared to be an enormous bush, painted white, wrapped around his neck, a red streak of paint down his nose, and blue streaks across his cheeks. To top it all off, Qwark had strapped a white dust bunny to his chin, trying to model what looked like a goatee.

            Qwark grinned. “This is going to be so awesome!”

            Who in the universe was in charge of giving Qwark ideas? There had to be someone who was feeding him these crazy plans. Ratchet needed to speak with their manager immediately, because this was starting to get out of control.

            The Lombax gestured toward Qwark’s outfit. “Why do you need to look like that if this is only going to take five minutes?”

            The captain chuckled. “Oh, Ratchet, I’m getting into character.” Qwark suddenly lost his happy expression, and a pained look flashed onto his face. Ratchet repressed the urge to roll his eyes as Qwark slipped into his “story-telling” mode.

    “I watched this amazing cartoon movie last night,” the captain began, stretching out his arms dramatically with each word. “It told an epic story full of misery and the challenges of stepping up to become the hero you were meant to be. I cried through 50 percent of the movie, ‘cause it was so relatable.” As if to add evidence, Qwark let out a choked sob and wiped at an invisible tear from the corner of one of his eyes.

            Suddenly Qwark’s mood swung like a pendulum, and his happy grin was back on his face. “So the movie was super cool, and when I finished watching the intro for the second time, I got this idea to reenact it with you, since you look like the main character and all. But, you know, he doesn’t have weird stripes on your fur like you do.”

            Better get this five minutes of torture over with. It was either that, or Qwark throwing a hissy fit, which was something no one in the entire universe was capable of dealing with at 5:30 on a Saturday morning. Ratchet scratched the top of his head and sighed. “Alright, let’s get to reenacting this intro so I can go back to sleep,” he said, hoping Qwark didn’t drag it out for too long.

            Qwark squealed like one of his fangirls and shook his hands in excitement. Ratchet rolled his eyes and tried to find his happy place.

            Suddenly, a serious look appeared on Qwark’s face, and the superhero shuffled over to Ratchet. He slowly raised the stick over Ratchet’s head and shook the fruit right over Ratchet’s head.

            After a minute of Qwark waving the fruit over his head, Ratchet slowly pushed the fruit out his face. What did Qwark think he was, a newborn infant?

            Qwark then plucked one of the fruits off the stick and ripped it in half with his bare hands. He then dipped his thumb in the fruit juice and slowly wiped his finger across Ratchet’s forehead.

            Ratchet sighed. Nothing he couldn’t wash off.

            A dab of pepper flew at his nose.

            “AHCHOO!”

            There was no reason to kick Qwark in the butt and let the door hit him on the way out. No reason whatsoever.

            Qwark grinned as Ratchet glared at him. “Okay, you’re doing great Ratchet!” he whispered, the excitement barely contained in his voice.

            “Why did you throw pepper at my nose?”

            “The main character gave a cute little sneeze, and I wanted to recreate that. Okay, so if I timed this right, we should be walking out just as the sun rises. Hey, you wouldn’t mind if I picked you up and carried you outside, right?”

            “Wait, what?!” Ratchet suddenly felt two beefy hands turn him around and hold him up by the armpits.

            Qwark shuffled around and headed out the door to Ratchet’s room. “There was supposed to be an intro part that I was supposed to sing, but I didn’t want to sing it and have you refuse to play your part. So I’m going to sing it when we get outside. Got it?”

            It was probably a bad thing, since Qwark was whispering it, like he was saving his voice for something.

            Ratchet felt like a child, but he continued to repeat Five Minutes in his head. “Sure Qwark. Whatever you want. But you’re going to owe me big time if this doesn’t turn back into something resembling normal behavior.”

            Qwark headed for the front door before stopping right in front of it. He lowered Ratchet to where the Lombax could reach the doorknob. “Uh, could you get that for me? I don’t want to let go of you or throw you over my shoulder. It would ruin the effect.”

            Ratchet rolled his eyes, but opened the door.

            Qwark stepped outside slowly, apparently wanting to make this simple action as dramatic as possible. Out of the corner of his eye, Ratchet spied Clank next to a camera set up on a tripod.

            Clank shrugged, then gave Ratchet a worried smile and a thumbs-up. Ratchet assumed that meant something like I don’t know why he’s doing this either, but just hang in there.

            Qwark grinned as the sun started to peek out over the horizon just as Ratchet decided that Qwark’s dramatics couldn’t get any weirder.

            “NAAAAAAAANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA!”

            Well, it had been nice having eardrums.

    Ratchet flinched violently as Qwark continued to belt out a song in a language he had never heard of for a minute before finally switching back to English.

            “From the day we arrive on the planet / And, blinking, step into the sun.” The captain mumbled something for a second. “Something, something, IT’S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!”

            Ratchet slowly turned his head to Clank, who was holding his hands over the place where his audio receptors were. Clank’s gaze slid to Qwark, who looked like he didn’t know all of the words of the song he was singing, before turning back to Ratchet, whose face was getting angrier by the second.

            “IN THE CIRCLE / THE CIRCLE OF LIIIIIFFFFFEEE!”

            Qwark held the pose for a moment as the sun shined down on Ratchet. “How’s it looking Clank?” the captain whispered to the little robot.

            Clank scratched the top of his head in slight confusion. “Um, I believe that the camera should have captured everything in good quality, if that is what you are asking Captain.”

            Qwark threw Ratchet into the air. “Excellent!” he cried as Ratchet hit the ground a few feet away.

            Ratchet growled and slowly rose to his feet. Alright, his beautiful RYNO V that the Polaris authorities still had no idea about was going to get shoved right up Qwark’s-

            Qwark suddenly scooped Ratchet into a half-hug and stuffed a holovid box into his hands. “Watch it, and love it,” Qwark said as he stared deep into Ratchet’s eyes, apparently believing that he could convince the Lombax to watch it through telepathy. He then placed Ratchet down on the ground, and readjusted the bush on his head. “Who knows,” the superhero said as he fluffed the dust bunny on his chin, “you might even do the same thing with Clank!”

            Ratchet glared at Qwark and opened his mouth to argue before he felt a small tap on his arm.

            Clank shook his head, gave a small, reassuring smile, and gently took the holovid box out of the Lombax’s hand. Ratchet motioned towards Qwark, but Clank shook his head again and patted the Lombax’s leg reassuringly, something that clearly meant, It isn’t worth it.

            Ratchet smiled at Clank. It was kind of nice to have someone be the voice of reason. Even though Qwark’s dramatics were frustrating to deal with, getting woken up early on a Saturday was one of the better scenarios (they didn’t talk about the time they had been forced to babysit Snowball). Besides, Qwark had done worse things in the past, like actively try to get them killed. This really wasn’t something to get too mad about.

            “Welp,” the green superhero said as he rushed over to his camera and threw the equipment over his shoulder, “I’m off to record another scene!” He grinned as he turned back to Ratchet and Clank.

            Ratchet stared at Qwark. “You’re recreating the whole movie?” the Lombax asked, slightly surprised. Huh, wonder how long this pet project would last…

            Qwark chuckled. “Oh no, I’m just recreating some of the music scenes.” He skipped towards his ship and called back to the duo. “If either of you need me, I’ll be recreating the villain song with Tachyon!”

            As the duo watched the green ship rise into the air, Clank looked to Ratchet.

            “Ratchet, do you think he could actually make a third Dimensionator and get to Tachyon?” the little robot asked.

            The Lombax shrugged as the ship left the atmosphere. “Who knows? Qwark could probably make a doomsday device out of a broken toaster and a few paperclips. He could try, but I have a feeling he could do even worse. Although a Dimensionator seems a little better than when he tried to recreate the Biobliterator for one of his conventions.” He chuckled at the sudden image that popped into his head. “Besides, I think Tachyon could use a good dose of Qwark with a bad idea.”

            Clank giggled at the thought of the little Emperor being coerced into singing by Qwark. “Well, as a wise creature once said, ‘Never attempt to teach a Cragmite to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the Cragmite.’”

            Ratchet shook his head and rubbed at the dried fruit juice on his head. “You know what pal, we’re already up, let’s just enjoy our Saturday.”

            Clank looked at the box in his hand. “Perhaps we should watch this. Despite the… first impression… we got from Qwark, we could give this holofilm a try.”

            Ratchet shrugged as he turned and headed back to the house. “I wasn’t really planning on doing anything except tinker with that bike we’ve been working on. Eh-” he shrugged “-it can wait another day. You set up the movie, I’ll make the popcorn.”

            Clank put his hands to his hips as he followed the Lombax inside. “Popcorn… for breakfast?” Clank’s eyes narrowed, and Ratchet could feel the skeptical look from behind him.

            “It’s Cheat Day.”

            “Ratchet, you said that yesterday before eating your weight in chocolate-chip pancakes.”

            As the end credits rolled up the screen, Ratchet struggled to find words.

            “I… Clank?”

            Even the little robot was fighting back tears, the oil building up behind his eyes. “Yes, Ratchet?” Clank asked, his voice strained.

            The Lombax sniffed. “I guess Qwark was right.” Ratchet rubbed at his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears that had been there since the canyon scene. “This movie is amazing.” He froze for a moment before turning to Clank. “Don’t ever tell anyone I said Qwark was right.”

            Clank giggled in response as he grabbed the popcorn bowl off the coffee table and headed for the kitchen. Ratchet sat on the couch trying to process what he just watched.

            After a few minutes, Ratchet rewound the holo-film to the beginning of his favorite song from the movie. He grinned at the lecture, remembering back to his own time as a headstrong cub. He felt his spirits rise at the growing volume of the song, and he couldn’t help but remember of the good days from before he was a hero, before he had to take on armies, supervillains, and weapons of mass destruction on a biannually basis.

            Clank came back into the living room drying his hands on a fluffy red dish towel, the rising volume of the music catching his attention. “Ratchet, I thought we finished the-“

            Clank jumped as Ratchet suddenly appeared next to him on all fours. “I’m gonna be a mighty king / So enemies beware!” the Lombax sang as he pranced through the living room.

            Clank watched as Ratchet sang along to the song, even repeating the lines not sung by the main character. The little warbot smiled at his friend’s antics.

            “I’m gonna be the mane event / Like no king was before!”

            Clank gave his signature giggle as Ratchet grabbed the red towel out of the robot’s hands and threw it around his head. Clank continued to watch his friend before joining in on the song, singing the parts of the main character’s friend.

            The duo sang along to the whole song, jumping onto furniture and bouncing up and down on the couch cushions. As the final lines played, Ratchet pulled Clank into a half-hug and threw out his other arm, and the tiny warbot did the same as they shouted the last line.

“OH I JUST CAN’T WAIT TO BE KING!”

            “Clank, Qwark’s ruined us.”

            “Eheheehee. Indeed… Can we sing the ‘Hakuna Matata’ song now?”

            Ratchet smiled as he put Clank down and grabbed the remote. “You got it pal. After all, ‘it means no worries for the rest of your days…’”